Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
