He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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