I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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