worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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