so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
