I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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