Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
