Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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