we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I need to stop coming to work sober
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
