I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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