Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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