I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
