I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
