so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
