I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
