he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
