Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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