I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
