should my penis look like a turkey
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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