On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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