I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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