I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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