My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
