I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
