Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
