he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
