ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
