omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
