Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
