Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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