Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
