I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
