She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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