just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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