New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
