Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
