i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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