just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
