Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
