I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
