She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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