She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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