Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
