I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
