it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
