There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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