Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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