I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
