It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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