GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize