i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
