She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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