there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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