You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
