you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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