I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just high enough for therapy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
