My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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