Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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