Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
