He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
