Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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