i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
