So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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