So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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